First thing: need to get some steak. For this we go to the most amazing butcher ever. Double DD meats (about 15/20 minutes north of Seattle). They have a huge selection of all sorts of meats, and more sauces than I've ever seen combined in my life. And with the amazing yelp reviews that they have, you better believe they are awesome. Result of step one: two Porterhouse steaks (first mistake, should have picked a simpler steak).
Step two: How to make steak? Well I've made steak before but my method has been to cook until when I cut the steak open, it is not completely bloody. So instead.... following the wise advice of Alton Brown in 'Steak your claim' (first episode ever!)
Step three: Buy a cast iron pan as directed by Alton Brown. Another mistake was going to Fred Meyer and getting their simplest 'pre seasoned' pan. Not trusting that the pan was pre-seasoned, we went through the process of seasoning the pan ourselves just in case.
Step four: STEAK! Instructions are to season the steak with a kosher salt, some ground pepper and a bit of safflower oil. Done. Heat up the pan at in 500 degree oven, and then 5 more minutes on the stove.
And the chaos begins.... Smoke starts going up from the stove. Ryan is opening up all the windows and doors. About 3 minutes into the process... FIRE. Well not a lot of fire, but fire on the burner. I was the one standing next to the pan and knew that water was the wrong thing to do, but ashamed to say my reaction speed could do nothing... instead I started chanting 'fire!'. Ryan had good reaction to tell me to throw some salt at it. Not sure if that is what helped but it went off. Cause of fire.... still not sure. Old burner? Some soap from when we washed the pan? No idea. But panic mode begins. Fire is not what I like seeing in the kitchen.
After the adrenaline dies down a little... have to continue the process. Re-heat pan, check burner for not catching fire again. Check. Now... the steak goes on the pan. Instructions are 2.5 minutes per side. This is a picture of about 30 seconds into the process.
Not so good. A minute or so later the apartment is full of smoke, all the windows open, fans out of the window. Smoke detector has been taken out so that it stops screaming. Ahhh... nothing is helping! Panic mode stuffs the steak into the oven early. At least source of smoke eliminated. Must run outside to breathe properly.
After apartment is livable again, we take the steak out and wash off the pan. (another mistake... not checking temperature of steak before taking it out).
Well... another steak is left. We have made mistakes... but can there be recovery? New plan: only warm up the pan in the oven. No oil on the steak. No pepper. 2 minutes a side, and then into the oven.
While the second steak is cooking we start on dinner... cut open the first steak. First bite.... smoke. Tastes like smoke. Where is the meat? Cutting further in.... it is raw. Um.... instruction following fail?
Phew.... less smoke. After eight minutes in the oven (what we put the first steak in for) we take it out and this time actually measure the temperature. 95 degrees. A rare steak is 110+. This means that the first steak could not have gone over 100. Food poisoning possibility anyone? At least we got the steak from a very credible butcher. Eating of the first steak ends. Not even desire to heat it up more. Back in the oven the steak #2 goes.
Check #2: Steak is at 105. Still not good. Raise the temperature. Back in.
Check #3: 145! YES! Wait.... left the thermometer in a bit longer... now it is 165. Crap.... definitely done. Finally a functional steak... but way overcooked. And another problem... there is no hunger. Adrenaline makes one not hungry anymore.... body has gone into survival mode and all food is rejected. Solution: switch to wine.
Lessons learned: Alton Brown has a crazy industrial fan in his kitchen. Good butchers are amazing if you fail at cooking steak. Smoke smell staying in hair very well. Measuring temperature of steak before consumption is advisable. Cast iron pans are terrifying. And... most memorable for me is that I do not mind paying large amounts of money for my steak in a restaurant anymore. The pain... the horror.... I like my simple joyful piece of meat properly cooked and right before me.
Adventure complete. No casualties. Many lessons.
